Friday, March 8, 2013

30 weeks, triggers and lots of nesting...

Today marks 30 weeks...I had a good appointment yesterday and baby is growing right on track. Praise the Lord for uneventful appointments.
We have an ultrasound around 32 weeks. Mainly because I expressed an interest in needing to see baby one more time before May. Also because late in my pregnancy with Chase my fluid got a little low and we just want to check that out as well as baby's growth. Not totally medically necessary - but emotionally necessary. Please pray that all goes well. I can't help but be nervous, even when things continue to go well. That worry is always there at the surface sneaking up on me.

I've had a few emotional days, one being a day that seemed to be full of triggers. I have a list of things I'd like to get done before May, (more on that in a moment!) and placing all of Christian's photos in a photo album our small group gave to us was on the list. I have tried to get them out numerous times in the past but just didn't want to go there. So yesterday I did it. Went through them all, sorted them and placed them inside the album. Some of the photos bring tears to my eyes, especially this one.
Chase is getting so excited to meet his baby brother, as are we. He has asked some tough questions in the past month..."why didn't I go straight to heaven when I was born?" - things like that that are hard for a mommy to answer.
It's also hard to hear "Oh, you are going to be a big brother!" Don't get me wrong, I say it too, and people mean well. But in my heart he already is. :)
I'm really missing Christian and with his 2nd birthday approaching in April as well as the birth of this baby a few weeks later - things feel complicated sometimes.
I went to a children's clothing sale and as I was looking through the infant clothes I stumbled upon the outfit Christian wore on his birthday. It hit me like a ton of bricks as I just wasn't expecting that. I also, for the past 2 days, haven't been able to find Christian's lamb...the one Chase gave him when he was born. Chase sleeps with it every night and luckily hasn't noticed yet. Please say a little prayer it turns up somewhere. It's hard to think about losing anything that is tied to Christian.
So the nesting has started. I feel as though it is starting earlier this time. I think because I haven't done anything in the nursery I am focusing on other parts of the house.
So far I have cleaned out closets and drawers, the laundry room, kitchen cabinets, dining room hutch, linen closet, and bathroom drawers. Luckily Goodwill is right up the street, and they have been our friend!
We also cleaned out our basement storage unit housing all of our Christmas/seasonal decorations as well as my teaching stuff (A total nightmare to go through. How many packs of wide ruled paper and #2 pencils do you really need to store?!).
I cleaned up my craft area and we switched the guest room and office downstairs. Thanks to Pop who helped us move the furniture and also to Mimi for helping us decorate the new guest room!
Geesh, just thinking about all that makes me want to take a nap. :) 
The last few things on my list include finishing Chase's 2 and 3 year books and starting our 4 year family album. I decided it's too much pressure to do a photo book per child per year, so we are doing family albums each year including milestones, birthdays, vacations and other important photos. I also need to complete Christian's baby book. All in due time right? 10 weeks to go!


Tara said...

Sounds like a busy, busy time! I'm praying for your peace in the last few weeks of your pregnancy!!

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