Sunday, January 27, 2013

16 Week Anatomy Scan

We knew we would have an earlier anatomy scan this time around.
What usually takes place around 22-23 weeks to determine baby's growth and check vital organs happened early for us so that we could (hopefully) have a little peace of mind.
My doctor has been amazing!
The weeks after the news we were pregnant leading up to this appointment were, in a word, brutal.
I would have days where I'd think about that day everything changed for us with Christian, and I would lose my breath. I tried HARD to just pray for peace, knowing that in the end, I did not have control over the outcome. And I still don't.
I told Wes from the beginning that I wasn't even sure I'd be able to walk into the ultrasound room. I thought he would have to physically push me in and plop me on the table. We were both bundles of nerves, stress, and negative energy, and there were plenty of tears shed, specifically that morning before the appointment.
I wish I could say that I felt nothing but peace - but there was a lot of fear there in those first few moments.
We had the scan done in a new office, no raw memories of an ultrasound gone wrong. I was visibly shaking when I got into the room. The technician knew our story, and when I saw the baby appear on the screen, the first question out of my mouth was, "Is there fluid?" We almost couldn't look.
"Yes," she replied quickly. (God bless her.)
"And that means the kidneys are working properly." (Seriously, God bless her!)
Can I tell you that I have never been so happy to hear the word kidneys in all of my life?
Usually, during a scan like this, they'll take a cute photo of a long leg bone and type "LEG" onto the screen, or perhaps, "FOOT." This time, it was all I could do to not scream out in praise when she typed the words "KIDNEY" onto the screen multiple times.
Of course, I know too much. There are markers for countless other things I had her check off for me during the visit. I was only 16 weeks, and by the grace of God we were able to see a normal amount of amniotic fluid, working kidneys, and countless other vital organs in which I wasn't quite sure we would get to see that early on. God knew exactly what I needed to see and hear, and He let me hear it.

He is good, and He is so faithful.

There is still worry. We know all too well that there are just no guarantees. I wish it were different.
It is getting a little easier to try and relax, but I still let my mind and heart go "there" from time to time.  A fellow baby loss mom tells me to take it a day at a time, and remember that this baby is so far healthy - and there is no reason to believe otherwise! We were also able to find out the gender at this appointment, but had her write it in an envelope for us to look at later. Which we waited until Christmas to do! (More on Baby #3's gender later!)

Thank you for all of your sweet comments, emails, texts, cards and phone calls.
It means so much to us and we really do feel covered in prayer.


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