Sunday, October 30, 2011

6 months {And a special book}

Wednesday of this week marked 6 months out from losing Christian. It seems like 6 days sometimes, and then on good days it can seem like it's been that long. Seems like forever yet no time at all - grief and time are strange like that. There are many things I still can't seem to get to including starting his baby book. In some small strange way they are things I have left and are some way of "parenting" him, and once they are "done" - what will I have left? So I'm holding on to those things left to do and not worrying about timeframes...

I have hit those "markers" in time where this time last year I was pregnant with Christian. I knew certain dates would be hard for me but some have surprised me. Certain things like going to the pumpkin patch reminded me that this time last year, I was carrying him. It's hard. I'm anxious about the holidays approaching, but we are trying to focus on the blessings we have, because there are so many things to be thankful for.

Something I grieve is not getting to read bedtime and naptime stories with Christian. I LOVE reading with Chase. It is one of my favorite things to do, to snuggle up with a cozy blanket, grab a few books and get lost in the story and Chase's wonderment as we read.

I read On The Night You Were Born to Christian while I was carrying him and also on his birthday. I knew I wanted to do some special things with him to make memories, no matter how short his time here on Earth was. We placed his tiny footprints inside as a keepsake, and it is one of my favorites. It is a sweet book that says the following:

On the night you were born,
the moon smiled with such wonder
that the stars peeked in to see you
and the night whispered,
"Life will never be the same."

Because there had never been anyone like you...
ever in the world.

Truer words were never spoken!

In honor of 6 months without Christian and also for Infant and Pregnancy Loss awareness month, we decided to donate a few books to a few local libraries in Christian's name. This book, so dear to my heart, is one of them. I read it for the first time to Chase this past week. I could barely get through it, but I love the message it tells. Of how no one else will ever take this special child's place.
As I read through it I was struck with little details I missed before, like a picture photo on the first page of a little bunny rabbit, a lot like this one, right down to its pink nose:

Or the part about a ladybug that lands and decides to stay...

Picking out Christian's tree, May 2011

Missing you so much sweet boy. We are so very thankful that we have these special memories of you to hold tight to!


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