30 weeks...a baby update

Me at 29 weeks... taken 3/23/11

We had our ultrasound and appointment on Friday. The ultrasound revealed nothing new...baby's fluid is still low, baby's position is still breech, no cord issues at the time, heartbeat was nice and strong at 158. Baby is moving all of the time! The ultrasound tech is surprised at that since I don't have a lot of fluid, but I still feel the baby throughout the day like I did with Chase. He/she gets hiccups and prefers my right side like Chase did as well. We asked for some additional photos and video clips and recorded baby's heartbeat as well for special keepsakes. I hate so badly that these moments are all we have.

ultrasound photo from 25 weeks..one of my favorites of baby's sweet profile

Our appointment afterwards was with the doctor that will do the delivery as my "official" OB is due with her 4th child soon. I like this doctor so much that I contemplate switching to him sometimes. He is caring, compassionate and just a "warm and fuzzy" man who I feel has always taken such good care of both of my pregnancies and who I feel is very real with us in this hard situation. Unfortunately, he has seen cases like ours and many other pregnancies with fatal or poor prenatal diagnoses. He was very reassuring about many things and made us feel like he was truly there for us and wants to do what is in our best interest. We thank God for such a caring person to be helping us through this!

We discussed a "normal" delivery vs. a c-section and at this time we are still praying for God to give us the wisdom for this decision. Seeing our baby alive has become top priority. This has and will continue to be the most difficult thing we've experienced and if he/she were to pass during labor I'm not sure how well we would be able to handle it. Our doctor isn't sure about delivering the baby breech and said it could be a tough delivery that may or may not end in a c-section anyway. I guess the prayer would be for baby to turn in the next 3-4 weeks but without fluid that is unlikely. We pray for strength everyday and most days are just really hard on us. I'm starting to feel tired a lot and I know the stress and sadness of this doesn't help. I'm thankful that I am sleeping well and that I have been able to stay busy with Chase.

It's been a tough week for us, I'm not going to lie. We went to the funeral home to prepare some of the arrangements for afterwards and it was not good. Not sure how else to say it. Preparing for your child's death while he/she is still here with you is unimaginable for many but for us it is all too real. I felt like I was in a bad dream the entire time. I wish so badly to go back to 6-7 weeks ago when I didn't know the reality of this situation.

There are so many hopes and dreams lost. When you lose someone who is older, you have all the memories to look back on...losing this baby is going to destroy all of the future memories. Not only the hopes and wishes we had for him/her, but also for our family and what we thought it was going to look like come June.

Please continue to pray for strength but also for happiness when we need it most. We are grateful to those who continue to reach out to us during this time. We couldn't do it without you.

-Wes and Erin