I had a sad day on Sunday...I knew the days would come.
And they are here. These April days are hard. I'm finding my emotions are right at the surface and it doesn't take much for them to spill over.
As I was wiping tears away and walking outside onto the patio to see what Chase and Wes were up to in the backyard, I spotted this beauty:
It stopped me in my tracks and I had to yell to Wes to come see. That's when he told me that it had been fluttering around him and Chase while they were digging in the dirt. It makes me smile to see them. Especially so when they are orange and black. My Aunt Janeen tells me this one is a Question Mark butterfly. I read that it's the largest of the angelwing butterflies. It's beautiful.
Now, I want to be clear that I don't think my son is a butterfly. (That made me laugh, see - emotions are everywhere!) I don't think he has been reincarnated and is visiting me as a winged insect. But I do believe the Holy Spirit is at work in the timing of these visits. It's like a nudge from God, a gentle reminder that yes, Christian is ok.
I can't tell you how many butterfly images I have seen this week. The chosen coloring sheet for our weekly library time, one (just like the one above!) on the hood of my car when leaving the post office, in a catalog we received in the mail, in a book I was reading to Chase. Chase will say sweet things when he spots them like "Ohhhh, how cuuuuute" and "That reminds you of Christian!!!"
A week from today we will be celebrating Christian's first birthday in heaven. Our son has been in heaven for a year, a whole YEAR! It's hard for me to believe. We are trying to focus on the fact that he is in the arms of our heavenly father, even though this time of year brings tremendous pain and memories of our loss.
Would you please pray for us?
Please pray that God gives us peace these next few weeks and that we can feel His presence in our lives as we find ways to honor and remember our sweet boy.