June 8th

June 8th.

A date that was burned into my memory back in September when we found out I was pregnant with Christian. Today was my original due date. A date that I thought would come and go and I would have Christian here with me or we'd be pretty close to it. And now I have nothing but a box of memories and photos. No baby to hold, to nurse, to sing to... and I am very sad. I can't believe it's been 6 weeks since I last held Christian...

There have been many dates recently that have been painful: Wes's birthday, Mother's Day, my birthday. But today was hard. It's hard to see the day come and go. It's been a very hard week in general for many reasons. We are trying to stay busy and we certainly do. Wes has been very busy at work and Chase keeps us both occupied. I recently started a photography class and Wes started back in the golf league at church. We are hanging in there, still taking it a day at a time.

We made it back to church this past Sunday. It was very emotional, but we were glad to be back. I found myself feeling so broken as I sang the worship songs. During the sermon our pastor had everyone who had been baptized and accepted Christ stand up and declare our confession of faith:

"I believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God, and I trust Him as my Lord and Savior." 

I felt in that moment that those words were for me, and that I needed to TRUST God. Throughout our journey with Christian we have felt so out of control. The unknown isn't something I am good with, that many of us are good with. I don't know most days how to completely give my worries, my fears and anxieties to God. But I know that He is here, walking with us through all of this. He won't let go, He won't falter, He won't let us down...

Thank you to all who are praying and reaching out to us. It means so much to us!